I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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