what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
