come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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