FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
