she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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