Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
