Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
