ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
