I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
