Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
