I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
