It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
