It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
