R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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