I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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