I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
