dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
