dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
