Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
