I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
