Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
