just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
