i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
