gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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