I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
