SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
