I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
