This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i out mim tonsoeep
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
