How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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