Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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