remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
