Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
