I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I FOUND THE LEGS
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
