After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
