...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
