Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
