Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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