We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
