We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
