Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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