i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
