oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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