Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
