Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
