I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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