I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
only if we run a train.
done.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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