I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
