I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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