someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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