You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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