She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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