just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
