Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
